Photo credits to Katie Moretta
I do not let go easily.
It might be genetics—my grandma is a hoarder, bless her heart. You should see our basement: glass jars, plastic containers, wrapping paper.
For me, its emotions, feelings, and what ifs. I get emotionally attached easily. Unhealthy feelings often get engraved into my brain, cancerously invading my veins and reaching into the depths of my heart. What ifs cloud up my soul like insoluble plaques. I can’t let them go. There is no way out. There is no cure in sight. These are the lies I keep telling myself.
Abandonment. We hear it all the time. Abandonment, abandonment, abandonment. We are desensitized to the word. We let go only partially. Rooted in the French word abandonner, it means "to give up (something) absolutely, relinquish control, give over utterly". Is this even possible? To give up absolutely? To surrender everything and be still?
There is a small treasure chest we hold on to for dear life, like a little boy reluctant to give up his lollipop or a little girl holding on to her favourite book. This treasure chest contains all the bittersweetness in the world—our deepest longings wrapped up in insecurities. We don’t want anyone to have it. We don’t want anyone to see it. Not even our loving Father, who gave it to us before we could comprehend the notion of gift, the Father who gave us sweetness before we even knew how to taste, the Father who has the key to unlock the treasure. But He alone holds the key to unlock this treasure we are so unwilling to let go of. There is no other way of opening it. Are we willing to exchange our treasure chest of obscure uncertainties for the Heart of God?
As Jean-Pierre de Caussade writes in Abandonment to Divine Providence, are we willing to let God’s key—his “philosopher’s stone”—transform “into divine gold all [our] occupations, troubles, and sufferings”? God is asking you to let go absolutely, to relinquish control, and give up utterly. Let go of the cancerous feelings and emotions that are saturating your soul and suffocating you. Let go of the what ifs that are holding you back and discouraging you from trying again. Give Him the treasure chest that is weighing you down. If we hold on, it will crush us before we can even open it.
This Lenten Season, He is asking you to let go and set your eyes on Him alone. He wants to take away your burdensome emotions, feelings and what ifs that are tucked away in the depths of your soul. He wants you to heal from your broken relationships, fears, and failures. Let Him transform your treasure chest into divine gold.